Goalless pursuit in life

These few days, I feel goalless in my life.... just feel like I am pursuing it without any clear direction... This might be attributed to various reasons...... 1) feeling regretful over the large losses I accumulated over the past few years.... depleting 70% of my account .. 2) many things on my mind... be it personal or work.. 3) working as a broker.... too much time in hand.....

I just feel that I am wasting my time everyday..... letting day by a day to get by... Time should be something precious by yet, I am treating it as dirt... a cheap commodity.  Life is uncertain.. and I can only live once but with my current attitude, I am sure it is not something what I want when I look back 20 years forward... Life is about experiences... experiencing moments, expanding horizon but I know I am not fully utilizing it yet... 

Living a life without pursuit is miserable.... very miserable. I need to utilize my time more.. have a more defined direction in life...  I should not live with an attitude "live to exist" ... I should strive for a more meaningful life....   Since my passion has already been trading, this is something I should work hard on.  I always have a desire to connect with likeminded people, sharing ideas but somehow i find it very difficult to start.. After going through many account blowups, my personal perspective to the trading holy grail is "Mindfulness"...  I believe the chances of succeeding will be higher with a trained mind... going in with an empty state but yet again analyzing throughly..

A deeper question to myself...... I always associate "doing many things" to achieve a sense of direction in life but in fact it is just an illusion... It will just be a cycle where I will be attached to things.... The key to happiness is to discover more about myself and seek inner peace... I just need to focus and DO things I really like instead of trying to DO things which looks good.....