Apologizing

This post has no direct links to trading as perse but somehow, I find it relevant to my pursuit of a enlightened mind which somehow will have an impact on my trading.. It starts from a small incident where I raised my voice to my dad today for some small incident.... This is due to my own built up frustration over some matters and when the words struck the chord in my brain, I just lost control on myself... I know it is pretty unfair for my dad as he dosent know much... On my perspective, my dad is in the wrong but looking on a bigger picture, since he dosent know much, I should not just vent my frustration on him.

Thoughts of apologizing has been flowing in my mind but pride has stopped me from doing so..... Its kind of weird because I think its of embarrassing to admit my fault or even handing the power of control to the receiver of apology..  Why so? I dont want to be laughed at, or either let the receiver gaining an "upper hand"...  This is because of self ego.. self centered...

On deeper observation on my own thoughts, I realized its v wrong so I decided to apologize.. I question myself on all thoughts... like "why do I fear apologizing" >>>> "Why I am self centered and fear of being embarrassed >>> "Why am I afraid of being judged"....  I do not want to be slave of my mind... giving me illusions or misconceptions (i.eonly the weak apologize)... I am just too focused on "myself"..  I am just afraid of how the opposite party view me but is that important?

Thinking from another perspective, my dad who is so nice to me and loves me so much , definitely dosent deserve this from me so he needs this apology to allow his mindset to return to equilibrium else it will just "unbalance" everything.....  Eventually, I apologized... Though its hard to write the message but I am so glad I did so because it makes the whole situation better...

Humility and gratitude are the main forces, guiding me to make the apology.. Pride enslaves us to constantly strive for the favor of others as though they were our judge. The more pride I have, the more ironic it is because it just shows how dependent I am on the favor of others.

We expect others to try to make us happy, to go out of their way to give us what we want. This is not why other people exist. When we let go of these expectations, we accept people for who they are, and learn to appreciate their uniqueness.